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I'd like to spit some Beech-Nut in that dude's eye.

W. related a story last night of life in the big city...New York. For some reason, in a lapse of wine-impaired judgement, W. got into a 'gypsy cab.' It was here I had to go, WTF is that? It didn't have a medallion? Don't get in a cab without a medallion!!! He did. The cab driver turned up the music as loud as he could, ignoring the fact that W. had kicked into NYC survival mode and yelled at him to turn it down. Then the ca-thunk of the doors being locked. WTF? The driver had unscrewed the door-lock knobs so the little screw thing was now below the hole at the top of the door. It wasn't panic that set W. off, it was the foreboding sense that this was about to turn out bad.

W. started kicking at the door by laying on the seat and using both feet to try and crash through the window. The driver turned off into an alley and started to yell as he honked lightly twice. Now his accomplices were approaching from the dark shadow with hoodies covering their heads and obscuring their faces.

W. busts out of the cab, slides over the car and as one of the thugs reaches for him he sees people at the end of the alley and yells to them..."Hey Wait for me guys!" so they turn around as the thugs fall away.

Foiled by a NY'er.

In NY, you can't have mace. Otherwise that 'cab' would have been full of it if this were me. In NY, you can't have a gun, which those thugs would still be bleeding in an alley somewhere if this were me. The inside of that cab would look like a feral cat got loose in it.

But, see, what we don't understand...not living in 'urban center of the universe' is that NY'ers develop a keen sense of survival. In spite of the fact that these things happen every day in the city they keep getting up, going about their business and fighting every day the tiny details of things we find annoying or exhausting when we go visit.

This isn't a bash NYC post. It's a testament to the people there. They are strong motherfuckers. So when you go visit and come back and say, "People in NY are so rude." Imagine how you'd feel if some moron from Iowa was in your way lookin' up at all the tall buildings when you'd just fought your way out of a cab and nearly been mugged and/or killed. You'd probably push them to the ground just for the hell of it, too.

(If the title of the post mystified you...it's a Hank Williams, Jr. song and it's what I'd be doing if somebody fucked with W.)

March 7 at 9:26 AM