Translucence: Things you can't tell by looking at them

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Things you can't tell by looking at them

I'm learning a lot from the straight guys on my staff. But, in all fairness, they are learning from me, too. Here's a few things I now know about:

When something is cool or you show extreme coolness, it's "clutch" as in, "Dude, that's clutch."

The positive affirmation of your coolness is followed by touching the knuckles of your closed fist. This has replaced the high-five.

Worrying about "getting fat" is universal and not just a girl thing or a gay man thing. They obsess...some more than others, but it is shocking how many conversations we have about the fear of getting fat.

Tits are a universal conversation topic and can be injected into any conversation...at any time.

Straight guys live in fear of getting in trouble by their wife/girlfriend...or any random girl that exists.

Straight guys are very sensitive and it is easy to hurt their feelings. I find myself apologizing a lot.

There's a lot more and I'll keep adding to this, because it's fascinating. The top thing I would say they are learning from me is about how to dress. They are learning not to carry big fat wallets in their pockets or fill them with cell phones and keys. It's a constant refrain in our office, "It is ruining the line of your pants."

June 19 at 7:44 AM

Comments

That touching of the knuckles with a closed fist is called a "fist bump", and, in my humble opinion isn't a "straight" thing. It's a "whiskey tango" thing. Think of how many well-raised individuals of any age or sexual orientation you've seen giving fist bumps... None, you say?

My point exactly.

CH at June 19, 2008 8:55 AM

"Dude, that's clutch."

Isn't that saying from, like, ten years ago?

freakgirl at June 19, 2008 8:57 AM

Too funny. You could write a book on the Secret Life of Straight Men-- women would love it!

Kristina Wright at June 19, 2008 9:19 AM

I highly recommend this wallet! I dont have back problems from sitting on it all day. It's perfect, especially if you're going out on the town or just to the gym. http://www.boscaonline.com/94-ol.html

They have a "front pocket wallet" too if you really are concerned about showing off the tatas.

Egoiste at June 19, 2008 10:23 AM

oh i forgot. Obama and wife totally made headlines over the fist bump. That's ancient if they're doing it!

Egoiste at June 19, 2008 10:26 AM

Well, we never said that straight men were "early adopters"

charlie at June 19, 2008 10:37 AM

Yes I love the "fist bump"..about as much as the "im not gay" opposite shoulder tap with simultaneous hand clinch and closed fist back pat, it's replaced the traditional hug among the straight fear-of-intimacy crowd... I call it the "thug hug" but have been amazed at how many waspy gentleman have adpoted it as part of their everyday.

Next on the agenda: The fear I might be called gay if I dont leave a seat open between me and my buddy at the movie theatre situation. Another amazing social invention to help keep the straight guys on que. bless ther hearts.

Imagine if gay guys speant that much time making sure no one mistakes them for straight.

JasonM at June 19, 2008 2:08 PM

I refuse to do the thug hug with friends of any stripe. If they try, I will lick them. It's only fair.

Michael at June 19, 2008 2:26 PM

Things you can't tell by looking at them

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